how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize