ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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