We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
