he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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