I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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