you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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