I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
