I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
