OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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