my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
