I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
