Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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