I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
