I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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