Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize