Define "chronic" masturbator.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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