the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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