That's intense
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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