That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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