the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
