I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
