At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Boobs speak an international language.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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