I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Congratulations! We have a period
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize