"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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