im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize