oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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