Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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