Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
