i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
