wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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