Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize