people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
