I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I party with great urgency now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
