I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
