my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize