Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
