My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
