sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Terrible idea I love it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
