i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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