I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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