I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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