Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize