I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
