if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
