If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
