weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
