thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
