You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize