would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize