i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
