I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize