Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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