He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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