i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize