That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
