i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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