dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
