where am i from again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
