I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
