Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
