Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
