East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
