I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
