There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
