i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
