You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
