How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
