what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
