I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
did i just pee glitter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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