would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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