Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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