he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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