I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize