Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
