making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
