I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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