Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
