billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize