I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
