your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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