U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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