In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize