Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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