dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
