The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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