Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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