I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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