the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
