I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
