you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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