How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
