Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
