It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize