Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
