Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
