Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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