Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
